Thursday, May 31, 2012

Life Outside the NICU

Ok, ok, I'll write another post.  Enough already!  Ha ha.  I am pleased to say life is great being home together as a family.  My children's names are already "Jerjoshua" and "Jahjeremiah," just as my name tended to be "Heidigretakarrn" whenever my mom got flustered. I'm hoping my tongue-tiedness will improve as I get used to being home with both boys.

To all you mothers of multiple kids, I have a new found respect for you.  You all have made it look so easy, and I now see that's not the case.  I hate to admit it (tho there is some pride at my ingenuity), but last night I realized if I ditch the pajamas and go to bed in a t-shirt and shorts instead, I won't be in my pajamas all day the next day.  I'm sure I'm not the first new mom to go this route (maybe I should be more amazed it took me a week to figure it out?).

I feel like we're just a normal sleep deprived family with a newborn now, getting up during the night for feeds. I have finally mastered the pumping while bottle feeding trick, so my 1.5 hour wake periods have decreased to an hour every 3 hours.  One good thing about the bottle is James can help out by taking a feed, making things much more bearable for me.

The one thing that reminds me that things are not "normal" is Joshua's eating habits. Sometimes it is such a struggle to get him to eat, and we have been conditioned to freak out and declare "failed ad-lib demand trial, needs a tube" if he doesn't eat his full allotment of 70+ mL q 4 hours.  Therefore, we have been known to spend 2 hours a feed to try to get that volume in him, and it can be a struggle.  We have come to realize he seems to make up for it a couple of hours later with an 80 mL feed, and at 7 lbs 3 oz, he is gaining weight well, so we are starting to relax more. 

Joshua refuses to nurse, which breaks my heart, but I haven't given up yet.  I know, it's not that big of a deal, but part of me feels like I'm being rejected.  Sorry for the drama there.  In the grand scheme of things, if that's the only complaint I have coming out of the NICU, I'll take it!  He's still getting my milk.  I'm pumping around the clock, so my days are spent seemingly tied up to the pump or a bottle all day long.  Thankfully Jeremiah is a gem by seeming content to just sit by Joshua and me, reading or playing with his trucks with me.  The other night we went for a walk to introduce Joshua to the neighbors.  He was all tied up in the Moby wrap, and I had his oxygen hanging from my shoulder, and Jeremiah led the way.  It was fun to get out of the house.

One other "not normal" thing is the 25 ft oxygen tubing stemming from a gigantic O2 tank in the center of our house.  It's annoying having a constant tether, especially with a 2 year old getting caught up in the tubing with his feet or his riding cars, giving me a heart attack for the potential of one child falling and hurting himself and one baby losing his oxygen supply.  Since we live 1500 ft higher than the hospital (7400 ft), his oxygen requirements increased when we got home.  He'll probably be on it for at least another month or two.  We'll see.


Jeremiah is a terrific big brother, still showering Joshua with kisses all day long.  Every time Joshua cries, Jeremiah is quick to act all concerned and say, "It's o-tay, Baby Joshua!"  He also reads books to him and loves to put his cars right in front of Joshua's face to show him how cool they are.  He has had a couple of moments of mild naughtiness directly related to me holding Joshua (such as stealing the pacifier and running away), but nothing I would consider an abnormal reaction to a two year old going through this transition.  He has also been more clingy than usual, but I don't mind that. As a nurse pointed out to me, just think if your husband came home and said, "Honey, I found another wife, and I'm bringing her home to us. I don't love you any less.  I love you both the same..." Naw, that wouldn't go over so well.  So why do we expect a child to feel any differently? 

That's about it, in a nutshell!  I do miss the nurses (especially at 3 AM), but it's fun to be getting into a normal, mundane routine at home.  Now I'm just looking forward to being able to venture out of the house more.  As Joshua gets bigger and stronger, we'll do just that. 

People have asked me if Joshua looks like Jeremiah. I don't see much resemblance except for some facial expressions that I haven't been able to catch on camera. I tried to re-enact a photo with Joshua at the same age (adjusted) as Jeremiah, 3 weeks old. Jeremiah is on the right.


What woman can resist a pic of her man and baby chilling out together?!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Congratulations, NICU Graduate!

Well, here we are...83 days ago, after 44 days of bedrest, we welcomed Joshua into this world. Today we said good bye to the only home he has known outside of my womb. I surprised myself by getting choked up when it was time to say good bye to the nurses and doctors who have become family to us.  We are so thankful for the team of people who have so lovingly cared for, protected and saved Joshua's life, nurturing him as he grew from 2 lbs 5 oz to 6 lbs 8 oz.


I had to reign in my excitement because a baby in our pod has had five surgeries over the past 114 days, and he isn't even close to going home yet.  Having had 13 babies come and go from the room next to ours, I know how bittersweet it is to be excited for a baby to go home but sad it's not us.  My heart goes out to all the families who don't have the same happy ending that we do today.  There is definitely a bond we share, going through this endurance race.  It's a fraternity that none of us wanted to join, but it's so helpful talking to people who are going (or have gone) through similar situations.  It's pretty hard to fully grasp the magnitude of the raw emotions of the ups and downs that occur on a daily basis unless you've gone through it yourself.  I have tried to take you along with me on this wild ride.  Now, it is such a joy to have it in the rear view mirror.

I would say bringing a newborn baby home is like running a marathon. It's exciting to toe the line and feel full of anticipation when the gun goes off.  Then you get a little freaked out because you realize the magnitude of what you just got yourself into.  As you go along, you feel worn out, and at times wonder if you can still continue to put one foot in front of another because of sheer exhaustion. There isn't a lot of glory in running a marathon (how many pro marathoners can the average person name?), but the feeling you get when you cross the finish line is priceless, and the experiences along the way are so exciting.  Doesn't that sound like life with a newborn?

If bringing a baby home is running a marathon, our experience has been an Ironman. The bedrest phase was the swim leg. For some people this is the easy part, and for others it's a fight to keep your head above the water.  T1 (transition) was labor and delivery. In my case, I had a definite PR (personal record time) for T1, piece of cake.  The NICU experience, just as the bike leg in triathlon, is the second and longest leg. It's a hilly course with lots of ups and downs and a huge head wind, so you feel like you're pedaling hard but going nowhere.  T2 is rooming in at the hospital. Then, when you feel like you are totally spent, it's time to bring home a baby and start that marathon (or I could consider it our victory lap).  Like any triathlon, all three disciplines are grueling, and different athletes will consider a different leg the most challenging.  James had the hardest time with the bedrest, the daily anxiety of not knowing if the baby was thriving or even alive.  I think the roller coaster ride of the NICU experience was the worst, with our family split apart for so long.  I don't know where the finish line is in this little analogy, but that's part of the excitement. It's all about the journey, and not the destination...unless our destination is a healthy, happy baby and family, then it's about the finish line.  Or maybe our finish line is sitting at Joshua's high school (or college, or med school?) graduation and looking back at his rough start as a distant, but poignant, memory, amazed at all he has overcome.  It will be interesting to see how this story unfolds. 


For now, we are content to settle in at home and try to find some semblance of normalcy in our life and actually redefine what normal really is.  So, folks, there you have it.  We reach the end of this phase in our journey.  I plan to blog sporadically with stories and pictures, but don't expect any further regular, daily updates.  Thanks for allowing me to vent, process, whine, and relive so many moments through this "blog therapy."  With that, I sign off with a huge thank you. I know we definitely would not have made it through all of this as well as we have without so many loved ones lifting us up in prayer, encouraging and supporting us, bringing us meals, and being shoulders to cry on.  Every email, Facebook message, blog comment, call and text was vital to my sanity.  My eyes have been opened to how good people really are.  Since it's impossible to pay you all back for your kindness, I plan to pay it forward and be more open to reaching out to others in need.  What a great life lesson!  THANK YOU!


 Dr. Laird, Joshua's neonatologist who took the handoff from OB/MFM back on March 1st. We were excited to come full circle since she was on duty for his admission and discharge.

 The biggest day of Joshua's life, and he fell asleep the minute we left the NICU, completely oblivious to all the excitement.

 Aunt Greta and Jeremiah made this "Welcome Home Baby Joshua" sign.  My new fashion accessory is that shoulder bag carrying his oxygen tank.  Pretty stylish, huh!

 Jeremiah was excited to see his little brother home for the first time.  He wasn't as excited later on when he realized he isn't 100% the center of attention anymore.

 He was initially a little leery about getting too close, but he was excited. 

 "So when do we get to wrestle?"

 Jeremiah gave Joshua about 100 "gentle kisses."  So sweet.

Relaxing and bonding with Grandpa Bob.

Monday, May 21, 2012

T-1 Day Til Discharge

Wow, this is it.  We are rooming in right now, and so far we're having fun being on our own. It's strange being in a room that is almost an exact replica to the rooms I stayed in on hospitalized bedrest. Little did I know at the time that I'd come full circle with a sweet baby in the room with me! Oh how long ago that was!  Rooming in is great.  I LOVE not having Joshua hooked up to the monitor.  No annoying cords to keep track of, and even better, no alarms going off for no reason every few minutes. 

Joshua had another great day today.  He wasn't as interested in nursing as he was yesterday, but he took a full bottle with each feed.  He is eating and gaining weight like a champ. He gained another 40 grams today, so he's up to 6 lbs 8 oz now.

I finished stringing Joshua's Beads of Courage today.  It's the coolest deal for kids in the hospital. He gets a new bead for various things such as each day in the hospital, x-rays, blood draws, procedures, transfusions, etc.  I must say, he collection of beads is pretty brag worthy, after all he has been through. The nurses were pretty impressed.  It's a great keepsake to keep track of what happened each day in the NICU.


"Bye bye, NICU!"

Joshua went through five journals to earn all these beads, proudly on display.

Each check mark earns a bead.  Each column is a day.

Today, Joshua passed one of his final exams, the 90 minute car seat trial. That overachiever, he fell asleep and stayed in for an extra hour, to make it 2.5 hrs. We had to fill in space with rolled blankets to make him fit.

The view from our room. Pikes Peak is snow capped on the right. The absolute best view was seeing Jeremiah and James walking in to visit us.

Memorial Hospital For Children, you've been good to us.  Our home away from home.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Sun-Shiny Day!

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin?but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin?but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.


Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh....I think today was Joshua's best day yet!  If yesterday was a dreary day along with the dreary weather, today was a sun-shiny day, literally and figuratively!  This song popped in my head this morning when the nurse gave me report from overnight, and it has been in my head all day.  Joshua was feeling so happy, content and sun-shiny all day (so was Mama!).

Joshua turned a corner last night.  We had a nurse who had never had him before.  This frustrated me, that after 80 days of several different nurses, why can't we have one who at least has had him before.  BUT, this turned out to be a blessing.  This nurse brought in a new perspective and decided to change the nipple on his bottle from the preemie size to a faster flowing, big boy (newborn) size.  Oh boy, what a difference!  He had four full bottle feeds on her shift, each one above and beyond the minimum, and she removed his NG tube.  This awesome feeding continued all day.  I was there for four feeds, and three of them were completely nursing, no additional needed, and the last one was 80 mL from the bottle (waaaaaay more than he's ever had before).  He loves his new bottle, where the milk flows out easily rather than working so hard on a slow-flow nipple that collapses when he sucks and makes him all worn out.   

It's ironic how we have been staying so many extra days in the NICU (at $2600+ per day) with expensive diagnostic studies to figure out why he's not eating and meds for reflux and intestinal motility.  After all these expensive theories of why he's not eating, the solution is a $0.30 nipple.  Or maybe he heard the doctor say he'd need a G-tube to go home, and he kicked it into high gear.  Or maybe the other doctor was right when he said plan on waiting until 42 weeks (gestational age) for boys to be ready to go home.  Tomorrow is 42 weeks, and it just clicked.  All I know is I'm excited again, and that spring in my step is back.  I'm trying to be CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC since we've been down this road a couple of times before only to reach a dead end. 

The latest plan is for me to room in tomorrow (Monday) night, and if he continues to do well, go home Tuesday.  I'm feeling much more confident bringing him home now. He is so ready.  We all are so ready.  After failing our first two ad lib-demand trials, let's hope the third time's a charm! 

Last night, he had a huge 50 g weight gain to 2850 g (6 lbs 4.5 oz), and tonight he tipped the scales at 2910, a 60 g or 2 oz weight gain, 6 lbs 6.6 oz.  His length is 18.9 inches. 

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Dreary Day

Well, not much to report today except it was a bit of a rough one for Joshua.  Not really bad, just an off day. All day, he was either sleeping or crying, just unsettled.  The feedings didn't go super well.  He ate about half of his feeds with the bottle overnight, and the rest had to be gavaged through the NG tube. He hasn't wanted to nurse with me, but he has taken most of the bottles for me.  He has another feed coming up soon, so hopefully that will go well. 

The weather today is really dreary, gray and rainy.  The nurse said the babies often react to the change in the barometric pressure, so maybe that's why he was fussy.  I'm not sure about the science behind that, but it sounds like a good excuse to me.  After yesterday going so well, today was a bit of a downer.  But that's the NICU life.  I'll take a "bit of a downer" over a NEC or pneumonia scare any day, so I shouldn't complain. 

Sounds like the plan is for me to room in for 24 hours from Monday to Tuesday.  They just want to see if he does better with breastfeeding, and they want to see if he can gain weight with more breast feeds.  I keep thinking we're nearing the end of the NICU, and rooming in is usually the last step.  We'll see how that goes.  I am getting a little stir crazy in this little room, and 24 hours here isn't too exciting to me, but if it means going home soon, I'm all in.

Last night he gained 15 grams, up to 2800 grams, still 6 lbs 3 oz. 

Friday, May 18, 2012

Dinner Time

Today has been a great day for Joshua.  He has been so comfortable and happy all day.  I think it has been a huge relief to get rid of all that "excess baggage" after the enema yesterday.  I nursed him for two whole feeds, and he didn't need anything extra in his NG tube. When he wakes up (should be in a few minutes), We're going to go for three good ones in a row.  In between feeds, he has been sleeping, so he must be getting enough. 

Last night he weighed 2785 g or 6 lbs 3 oz, gaining 15 g (.5 oz) from the night before.  He has been up and down, hovering around 6 lbs 3 oz for the past 6 days. We'll weigh him in a few minutes, but I think I'll just go ahead and publish this now since he's starting to stir. I'll put tonight's weight in tomorrow's blog. 

It's a short one tonight.  Time for Joshua to eat! 
Good night.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Stool, BM, #2, Poop, etc.

Wow.  Thank you all for being so encouraging.  We really appreciate all of the support and uplifting messages sent our way.  It is so cool how, just when you feel like you're at the end of your rope, you realize friends are there holding the rope for you and helping to throw out extra slack to make that rope longer.  The encouraging scripture has been the most helpful.  Thank you so much!

Joshua had another eventful day (no, that's not a good thing).  He lost another 20 grams last night, and he wasn't eating as much volume as they like to see. Then during the night last night he ate only 10 mL over six hours  (which isn't much compared to the recommended 63 mL every 3-4 hours).  We were pretty frustrated with this because that's what happened the last time he failed his ad-lib trial, but the nurse on duty hadn't had him before, so she didn't know that piece of his history.  James' papa grizzly came out (or surgeon's personality with little tolerance for mistakes, whatever way you want to look at it) because the nurse should have woken Joshua up to eat after four hours, but she just let him sleep.  He was polite, but he made it pretty clear we weren't happy with the care Joshua had overnight.  Joshua had to have the NG tube replaced, and he is now back on scheduled feeds. Chalk that up to a failed ad-lib demand trial.  The doctor is trying to plant a seed in our minds that Joshua may need a G-tube, but we are still pretty set against that.  We are praying it will all come together soon, so we can avoid that surgery and potential complications and overall hassle associated with it. 

About the poop issue...I know I should say stool or BM or #2 or whatever else people would consider more cultured.  But c'mon, it's baby poop.  What do you see in a diaper, baby stool?  No. Baby BM? Naw.  It's all baby poop in my mind.  Feel free to censor it in your mind as you read if you disagree. 

Annnnywho...he had a couple of squirts, but not enough, so today he got another field trip down the exciting halls of the hospital to radiology for a barium enema.  Let me tell you, he is one brave kiddo.  Tough just like his brother, he didn't cry or fuss at all.  I was so proud.  The good news is it cleaned him out and, hopefully, got all the contrast from his swallow study out of him.  He seemed much more comfortable afterwards.  The even better news is it was completely normal, so there isn't an obstruction or stricture related to his history of NEC. Whew!  Even better than that, the x-ray he had first thing in the morning was worrisome to the radiologist (and us) because it looked like he had a perforation, but they got a better look at it, and there was no perf (thus avoiding surgery). 

The doctor says Joshua has decreased gut motility, where things just move through more slowly than they should. If he doesn't pass more overnight and tomorrow, they'll start him on a new medicine to speed things up, but they want him in the hospital for a week on it before sending him home.  I'm just giving up on imagining life with our family together at home.  It makes it much less disappointing to not have any expectations.

To end on a positive note...Joshua is doing very well off the diuretic and sodium.  His work of breathing looks great, and he's comfortable.  That's what's most important. 

Good night!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

So Much For Going Home...

My goodness.  This is getting ridiculous!  Yes, we were told it looked like we'd go home Thursday or Monday.  We were a little apprehensive about Thursday because it would mean going in for lab work and a clinic visit on Friday and not having anywhere to go over the weekend if issues came up.  We felt like there were some unresolved issues with his sodium, and it would be nice to get everything tuned up where it should be before going home.  That being said, I still planned to room in tonight, and I brought the car seat in for the mandatory "car seat trial" where Joshua spends a few hours in it hooked up to the monitors to make sure he is safe, essentially the last requirement before graduation from the NICU.

Not so fast, Karrn...we're not done messing with you yet.  For starters, his sodium is 134, too low to go home without supplementation and close follow up.  Oh, and he didn't eat much overnight, and he lost weight last night (down 25 grams, almost an ounce), so maybe this ad-lib demand trial isn't going so well. 

Then there is yet another issue that showed itself today.  He hasn't pooped since yesterday, and he received a suppository then, and he has to prove he can poop on his own before he can go home (and the past few BM's have been pretty loose).  Ok, no biggie.  Just to be on the safe side, they ordered an x-ray to make sure there wasn't a bowel obstruction, something that often lingers after a history of NEC (yep, it's still haunting us).  It turns out he has a bunch of stool and barium from his swallow study on Friday sitting in his rectum, and it's stopping everything up. Since I've been here today, he hasn't wanted to eat much, just a few sips here and there, understandable since there isn't a lot of room in there.  If there is no stool in 24 hours, he'll need a barium enema for closer evaluation.  Hopefully it's all related to the barium not wanting to pass, but the enema would rule out a much more serious and potential diagnosis, Hirschprungs, a disease that usually ends up with surgical removal of part of the colon.  I never thought I'd get to a point in my life where I would be pleading for this, but PLEASE PRAY FOR POOP!

Since we know we're staying til at least Monday, I asked if we could stop the diuretic on a trial basis. They always said we'd either go home on it, or we have to be off it for 5-7 days before going home. It's the reason we're having sodium issues, so I'd love to get rid of it now, while we're here.  If he starts to work harder to breathe or is unable to eat as much (due to difficulty breathing with the suck-swallow-breathe thing) or requires increased oxygen, he'll have to go back on the diuretic.  There's another prayer request, that he'll breathe well without it. 

I might as well throw out a 3rd prayer request for our mental well being because James and I are feeling like we can't take much more of this.  Of course we'll deal with whatever we have to, but it's getting harder and harder to stay positive because it is just dragging on and on and on and on......

I'd love to turn this into a devotional and include an uplifting song or scripture reference, but I'm feeling pretty tapped out right now.  If anyone has a good one to share, please do. 

Thank you!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Fun Day At Home

Well, after 76 days in a row of going to the NICU, I took a mental health break today.  Yep, I played hookie.  James was able to go in, so I didn't feel too guilty.  Oh boy, was it good!  I had so much fun with Jeremiah.  This morning we went for a walk with some friends and had a big play date at the park with some ladies from my mom's group.  After that, I was able to get some cleaning done with my favorite little helper, something that would ordinarily be mundane but today was new and exciting because it was a glimpse of life getting back to normal.  We also made brownies together, which Jeremiah loved.  Then some other friends came over after James came home, and we all went on a hike up Mt. Herman, one of my favorite local hikes.  Yes I'm still very much out of shape, but I survived, in case you were wondering.  It was my first hike in at least five months.  Ok, I know you don't care to hear details of my boring, routine life, but that's what makes it so blog worthy: we are almost back into our boring, routine life!  Yes! 

Joshua did really well today. He is really tackling the bottle, and he's getting all the nutrition he needs. 
Last night, Joshua weighed in at 2815 grams, 6 lbs 3 oz.  He gained 25 g.  I'll have to post tonight's weight tomorrow.  I plan to room in tomorrow, so we'll see if I can handle him without the monitor and everything.  I think he'll be fine.  Tomorrow's lab (sodium level) determines if we go home Thursday or Monday.  It's best to just plan on Monday and be pleasantly surprised if it's Thursday.  We have the house ready, so if we find out at the last minute, I won't freak out this time. 

That's about it.  Good night.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Ad-lib Demand, Take Two

Joshua is back on ad-lib demand feedings now.  This time it will be for 3 days instead of two, since he failed his last trial at 52 hours.  That means he could potentially come home on Thursday if all goes well.  There is one more issue to clear up, and that is his sodium. The diuretic he is on causes depletion of sodium, so he is getting supplemental sodium. They don't send babies home on sodium because it requires frequent blood draws to monitor the level.  They are now trying to wean him off the sodium and the diuretic.  If his blood levels aren't normalized by Thursday, they may keep him until Monday. I'm ok with that. I'd rather not have a problem over the weekend before we even get a chance to establish care with his pediatrician. Once Joshua gets discharged, the neonatology doctors that he has now will be completely out of the picture.  His new doctor will be at the Air Force Academy, and they don't see people over the weekend.

This is all getting old, to be honest.  I had a discouraging day today because Joshua was 0 for 3 on the nursing. He just refused to latch on.  This is after two days in a row batting 1000, so I was getting confident.  The good news is he took the bottle right away, and he didn't need anything through his NG tube, so they pulled it this evening.  Hopefully that little nose of his will never again have to be filled up with that tube.

Last night he lost 20 grams (almost an ounce), but after the 100 g gain two days before, it's not worrisome.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!  I'm so thankful God gave me the best mom in the world!  No offense to you other mothers; I'm sure you're pretty good, too.  But you can't top mine.  :) 

Today I was able to be with Joshua for three feedings.  Each one went very well, and he didn't need anything extra through his NG tube.  The plan is to reevaluate tomorrow, and if they are pleased with how he has done, he'll start another ad-lib demand trial, this time for 3 days instead of two, since he tuckered out after 52 hours last time.  I have a feeling we'll be home by the end of the week, but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

Last night Joshua gained 10 g, now up to 2810 g or 6 lbs 3 oz. I just called in, and he hasn't been weighed yet.  A volunteer cuddler was holding him. I'm so thankful for the volunteers.  What a great volunteer job to have, too!  The nurses have three babies each, and they are busy with nursing care, so they aren't able to give all of their attention to one baby.  It's nice to know people are available to just cuddle Joshua when he needs/wants attention, instead of just fussing alone in his crib when we're not there.  Hmmmm, I wonder if I could take one of those volunteers home with me when we go home?  :)


Today James and Jeremiah came to visit Joshua while I was there.  Believe it or not, it has taken almost 11 weeks, but we finally managed to get ONE picture of the four of us together.  That was one shot before Jeremiah squirmed away from us.  Between a two year old who has an aversion to cameras and a 32 year old who's even worse, it's a challenge for me to get a good photo.  You may have noticed how rare it is to see a picture of James in my blog. He does an amazing job hiding from me when I get the camera out.


Our only photo of us as a family of four. Jeremiah is in mid-squirm, trying to escape.


Joshua got his very own Mama Roo (left side of picture), just like the one he uses in the hospital (it's like a baby swing).  Jeremiah had fun playing in the packaging it came in.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Our Six Pounder

Last night, Joshua gained over 3 oz (100 g)!  He flew right past the 6 lb milestone, and he's 6 lbs 2.8 oz, or 2800 g.  I think taking a break from feeding over the past couple of days allowed him to conserve energy and just relax and grow, rather than burning calories by getting all worked up trying to eat.  Right now, he is sleeping on my chest while I'm lying back in the recliner with my laptop propped up on a pillow.  It has been a long time since he has been so content, sleeping on me. 

Today he has been like a different baby with his feeds.  I have nursed him twice today, and each time he latched on right away without fussing, and he drank a full feed the first time and almost full the second time before he fell asleep.  The change could be due to the medication they started last night (Prevacid) for his reflux, but that medicine takes a few days to reach its full effect.  I tried a new way of nursing, the "football hold," where he is upright along side of me while he eats. I think it is so much more comfortable for him because when he lies on his side, the food comes back up along with some acid.  Whatever the reason may be, it has been a lot more fun for both of us today than it has over the past few weeks.

The new plan is to reassess on Monday and see if he may be able to try ad-lib demand feeding again. Once he can do that for 48 hours, he'll be able to go home.  I'm not going to try to rush things, but it sure would be nice to have our family all together under one roof. 

That's all I have to say about that...

Friday, May 11, 2012

Joshua's Grand Adventure

Joshua had his first big adventure today, an outing exploring most of the hospital.  He was so alert and oohing and aahing at everything we went past as we wheeled his crib down to radiology for his swallow study.  That's a pretty big trip for such a little guy.  Whew, what a relief!  Joshua's swallow study today was normal.  That means he is not aspirating milk into his lungs, and it narrows everything down to reflux causing his eating issues.  Reflux is much easier to treat than aspiration, and they are starting him on a PPI (medication like Prilosec or Nexium) today.  Hopefully it will make him feel better about eating.  Another positive thing about the test being normal is Joshua doesn't need his milk thickened (as we suspected he might).  If he did need it thickened, he would have to be on formula, unable to take breastmilk because the enzymes in breastmilk don't allow it to thicken. I have two freezers full of pumped milk, and after getting up to pump night after night, I would have been very disappointed if my labor of love was for nothing. Actually, my friend Kimberly, who is adopting twin babies, would put it to good use, so it wouldn't have been for nothing.  For now, anyway, Joshua should be able to drink it. 

The other noteworthy thing today was moving into a new room.  Without any input from us, they moved us into a different pod, purely for nurse staffing reasons since three of the six babies in our pod were discharged home yesterday.  It's fun to have a change of scenery after so many weeks in the same little room.  We are now in the room with the best view in the unit, according to our primary nurse, Trinity.  It overlooks the beautiful mountains and the entrance to the hospital.  I just hope we will be able to keep some of the same nurses we are used to having.  You'd think we'd have had every nurse by now, but we had a new one today, and she was great.  

Last night, Joshua gained 2 oz.  He is now up to 2700 grams, or 5 lbs 15.2 ounces.  I have a hunch he's already over 6 lbs, but he's not due to get weighed for another hour, so we'll have to wait to find out tomorrow.

Thanks for tuning in!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Wake Up Call

We had a big wake up call today.  I have kind of envisioned taking a "normal" baby home since Joshua now looks like a normal newborn.  True, he is relatively healthy, but I'm getting more of a grasp on how we can't treat him like any other baby.  Last night, the doctor sat down with me and talked about life outside the NICU, and this morning another doctor confirmed everything he said.  He stressed the importance of protecting Joshua's immature immune system.  As we learned several weeks ago, the virus that would cause us to have the sniffles gave him full blown pneumonia.  That's just one example.  It could be a lot worse (for example, chicken pox could cause encephalitis, leading to brain damage).  Once he's home, we won't be able to go out and about with him much.  Places with other children, such as the church nursery, are definitely off limits.  We shouldn't even take him to any crowded places (like church or Walmart) for awhile.  Yes, we'll need to redefine what "normal" means for our life. Let's just say Joshua won't be breaking Jeremiah's record of 57 airplane flights in the first two years of life.

Both doctors stressed the biggest thing to worry about is exposure to people who have not been immunized. He shouldn't go near any unimmunized person until he is 6-8 months old.  If they would become sick with any of those preventable (with immunizations) diseases, they would be contagious before they come down with symptoms. Joshua could catch it before they would even know they were sick, and it could be lethal for his little body.  It was so scary to hear about the potential repercussions. Whooping cough (pertussis) is another big one, and there has been a recent outbreak in CO Springs.  I would encourage everyone, child and adult, to get immunized. 

All this being said, I ask for understanding from you, my friends.  Of course, I want to show off my beautiful baby to everyone and let everyone hold him and love on him like I do, but I have to hold back. Please don't be offended, or hold it against me, if I don't pass him around for everyone to hold.  If you are coming for a visit, let us know if you feel like you're starting to come down with something, and we can reschedule.  When it comes to my child's health, I need to unleash my inner "mama grizzly bear" and not worry about offending people when the life of my son is on the line.  Thank you for having patience with us as we try to figure out all of this ourselves. 

Tomorrow Joshua will have a swallow study to evaluate what's going on with his feeding.  He has had reflux symptoms for as long as I can remember (arching his back, choking, bradying with feeds, grimacing, crying/panicking with feeds, etc), but it has gotten so much worse yesterday and today.  He has an all out hissy fit, screaming, crying, panicking, when it's time to eat.  A baby's "happy place" is supposed to be nestled in his mother's breast, and he acts like I'm torturing him when he goes near me. Today, it all clicked with me that this is not normal behavior, and something is wrong causing him pain or distress.  I stepped up and strongly encouraged (not taking no for an answer) that it be investigated. I try not to make waves, but I know something is wrong, whether it's reflux, or maybe he's aspirating, or whatever.  I figure he's either in pain, or he is tasting that yucky stomach acid, or he knows it's going to be hard to breathe, so he fights it.  I hope I'm proven wrong. Please pray for Joshua's swallow study tomorrow, that we'll finally get some answers and give him whatever treatment he needs to have a more enjoyable feeding experience. 

Last night he lost 30 grams (1 oz), no surprise given the rough day he had. 

Your encouragement has meant so much to us. Thank you!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Back On the Roller Coaster

Wow.  Just WOW.  After 70+ days of anxiously wishing we could go home and being told 4 days ago that it would be 2-3 weeks, the tide suddenly turned today.  I heard a rumor when I called in before going to bed last night, and it was confirmed this morning.  The new plan is to room-in tonight and go home tomorrow morning.  {Rooming-in is done before discharge, where parents stay with baby in a hotel room type place right off the NICU.  No monitors, just stuff he'd have at home.  A nurse is always available if needed, but otherwise you're on your own.}

FREAK OUT! Whoa whoa whoa, I am sooooo not ready to bring a baby home! It was such a far off fantasy that I never even let me get ahead of myself to think that way.  So what did I do? Well, I first begged to stay one extra day before going home. On the record, it's for Joshua's sake since he just started eating on his own, and he had a brady episode yesterday while feeding where he turned blue, a tad nerve-wracking.  Off the record, another reason is because I didn't even have a place for him to sleep, his carseat was all dirty in the garage, and our house is in need of a good, thorough cleaning.  All morning, I ran around working on the first two, and the cleaning will have to happen tonight and tomorrow morning.  Thankfully, no one objected to my extra day request, so the new plan is rooming in on Thursday and going home Friday morning.  But now, after getting used to the thought of taking him home on Friday, I wish it could be tomorrow as originally planned, and not Friday.  I know, I'm so finicky!  I'm just so excited! 

TIME OUT.  It has now been several hours since I wrote those first two paragraphs.  I just about deleted them since that news is now obsolete, but I'll leave them in just to convey my roller coaster emotions today. This afternoon at 2:00, Joshua nursed for 26 minutes and was so content.  At 5:30 he woke up showing signs of wanting to eat, but every time I tried to put him on my breast, he went ballistic, screaming and crying. After trying for about 25 minutes with no success of latching on, I gave up and tried the bottle.  He alternated between crying and sleeping, and he refused to eat.  Finally, by 7:30, the nurse and I were concerned enough to call the doctor (he should eat at least every 4 hours, and it was approaching 6 hours).  He came to evaluate Joshua and ordered the NG tube back in with scheduled feeds every 4 hours.   Joshua has been such a trooper with his feeding, a total superstar, for over 48 hours. He just got tuckered out and needed a break.  So he got his last meal through the tube.

I asked the doctor, "So, uh, does this mean we won't go home Friday morning?" and he said, "Absolutely. At minimum he'll be here next week. I tell all my parents of boys to just plan on 42 weeks.  Girls can go home at 38 weeks, but boys almost always go two weeks past their due dates."  Big sigh on my part. What a total let down!  Here I thought our roller coaster days were behind us.  James, my logical half, put it all in perspective for me, though. He said he was so glad this happened because he didn't think Joshua seemed ready to go home, and it would have been bad to have this happen at home.  True.  But you try telling that to my mommy heart.  I'll try not to get too excited next time until we are actually home.  Hey, look on the bright side.  Now I can prolong my procrastination of cleaning the house. I'm off the hook tonight, anyway.

I just called in, and the nurse hadn't weighed Joshua yet because he fell asleep right after she gavaged him (fed him through the NG tube). Last night, he gained almost two ounces (50 g), up to 2660 g or 5 lbs 13.8 oz.

Check out the difference in how his legs look now compared to 2 months ago. It's hard to believe he's the same baby.  I love those BabyLegs!

Joshua 4 days old

Joshua 2+ months old

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Getting Closer

A few days ago, I was excited Joshua was described as "big and healthy."  Now he has a new name.  When I called in this morning, the nurse said, "Is this the mother of our SUPERSTAR?"  I like that name.  He really is a star with this new ad-lib demand feeding plan.  He is thriving on making his own schedule.  He is a Bales, after all, so he likes to be in control.  I wouldn't want someone waking me up from a deep sleep to force food into my tummy if I wasn't hungry, either.  He is taking full bottles every 2.5 - 4 hours, and last night he gained 60 grams or 2 oz, to total 2610 g or 5 lbs 12 oz.  He is no longer < (less than) 3rd percentile.  He's now a rock solid 3rd percentile.  Obviously that's not huge, but it's nice he's back on the growth chart.  It's big enough to stop the beneprotein, another gas inducing (in my opinion) additive to make him gain weight.  His MCT oil (fat) was stopped a few days ago.  They are still keeping him on 28 cal (extra calories added to my breastmilk), but eventually that should be weaned down as he grows more.

I almost forgot the most exciting part.  They pulled his NG tube. Now we know for sure he's getting 100% of his feeds on his own.  Whoever said things just seem to click on the due date seems to be right.

I guess we're freaking out some of the ancillary staff because there's a huge checklist of things they need to do before we go home, and they thought they had weeks to get it done. Now it's down to days, so they are hustling around.  It's like once a baby is considered "ad lib demand," one foot is out the door.  Very exciting! 

Today my sister Greta came to visit for a couple of days.  It was fun for me to hang out with her in Joshua's room, and it was fun for Joshua to see her now that he's bigger.  James pointed out that Greta being here is a good sign because we tend to have babies or bring them home right after she leaves.  With Jeremiah, she took her week of vacation time to visit the week after his due date, and he was born the day after she left.  She visited us in February, and within days after she left, Joshua was born.  So now we figure she'll leave Thursday, so that probably means he'll come home soon. 

We shall see.....

Monday, May 7, 2012

DUE DATE!

Today's the day!  This is the date circled on my calendar that says, "DUE DATE!!!!"  Little did I know, when I wrote that last fall, that Joshua would be over 2 months old by this date.  Today one of the nurses said happy birthday and sighed and said, "You wouldn't have wanted to be in labor today, anyway. It's so gray and rainy out there."  I appreciated the sentiment and didn't mention that I thought yesterday sure would have been a nice sunny, perfect for labor, day. 

I have heard other preemie moms say as soon as their babies hit the due date, things just click, and they suddenly eat really well.  I'm hoping that's the case for us, too.  Today, Joshua hasn't been eating quite as well as he did yesterday. Here's the good news: a new doctor rotated onto Joshua's team, and she recommended we do a 48 hour trial of "ad-lib demand."  That means rather than waking him up to eat every three hours, he runs the show and tells us when he wants to eat, basically like a normal newborn. It also means he won't have to get an exact amount (like the current 51 mL), so we'll just give him as much as he wants.  I'm super excited about this because of the 10 babies next door that I've seen come and go, they switch to "ad-lib demand" right before they go home.  It's a guarded enthusiasm, though, because the doctor stressed to me that this is just a TRIAL to see how he handles it and if can gain weight well on this regimen. 

Last night, he weighed the same as the night before, 2550 g or 5 lbs 10 oz. 

Jeremiah had a big day today.  This morning I took him to Sport Clipss for his first professional haircut.  We had the best stylist, Karen. At first, Jeremiah wasn't very excited about it, and he didn't want to sit in the chair or wear the cape.  Then Karen just got down on the floor and started playing with him and reading to him, and every now and then she'd sneak in a snip here and there.  I don't think he even realized he was getting his hair cut.

First Haircut!


After we got home, Jeremiah found a new "hat," and he danced around doing his version of the salsa. (Get it?  It's a bag of tortilla chips.  Chips and salsa.  Ha ha).


Sunday, May 6, 2012

Short Update

I think Joshua has turned a corner.  The Food Fairy must have visited last night because 5 out of the last 7 feeds have been full feeds (i.e. no need for the NG tube).  That's a huge improvement! He is still pretty inconsistent, though, so the doctor said she thinks it will be 2-3 weeks until he comes home.  We'll see about that. 

Last night he gained 50 grams, up to 2550 g or 5 lbs 10 oz.  They stopped the MCT oil (liquid French fries), so hopefully his gas will improve a little.

Well, the baby in the room next door to Joshua went home yesterday, and another one moved in soon after her left and will be going home tomorrow.  That's the 10th neighbor we've had in that room since we moved in.  I think I have the mandatory pre-discharge educational videos memorized from hearing them so many times. One of these days it'll be us...

He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.  Acts 1:7 

Saturday, May 5, 2012

The Food Fairy

Um, about that plan for lots of sleeping last night...not so much.  Oh boy, it was rough. I don't know what was up, but Joshua was so fussy!  He flat out refused to eat (bottle and breast) at 12 and 3, and he nursed for 12 minutes at 6:00.  I did not have fun at all. Ok, I know it's not all about me having fun, but a little sleep, at least, would have been nice.  Poor little guy had even less fun because he was inconsolable for most of the night. I can't think of an excuse because his circ site is healing so well, and it has been a few days since the shots.  Maybe it was the gas.  Who knows?  Hopefully it was just a fluke night.

The other day, Joshua's nurse posted a sign with this poem above his crib. This is one of several nurses I love. She enthusiastically does things beyond her job description, even making Joshua a homemade Wubbanub.  Anyway, about the sign on his crib...as legend has it, once the sign is posted, the Food Fairy comes, and then something clicks, and the baby eats well and goes home soon. I thought it was kind of cute. 

Dear Food Fairy

I know that I came a little early
And I need to eat more than I do.
It's a lot to learn and I'm trying hard
And I could use a little help from you.

Teach me to nurse or feed from the bottle;
That'll help me gain a little weight.
Give me the edge so I can go home
My parents think that would be great!

So please, Food Fairy, if you have the time
To stop by my crib tonight
To do your magic and sprinkle your dust
I'll do my best tomorrow to get it right.

Love from,
Joshua
(A baby who just wants to go home)


This morning before I left, I was able to nurse Joshua for 22 minutes, a full feed.  That was great. I just talked to Joshua's nurse, and the last two feeds didn't go well at all. He just fought the bottle, so he only got 11 mL and 6 mL. He is a rare case to take the breast better than the bottle.  It's getting a little harder to be patient.  Our going home relies solely on his ability to eat on his own, and we have no control over that.  Just when we think he's starting to get it, he seems to take a step back.  Please pray for him to catch on to this important skill.  We really don't want him to need a G-tube surgically placed, and that's the next step if he reaches 42 weeks without 100% full feeds.  That gives him 2 more weeks to figure it out.
Thanks!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Spas and Slumber Parties

Boy, don't I feel silly after my "freakout 2000" yesterday! No sweat! My morning felt more like a day at the spa than at the endodontist's office!  I guess I was wrong. I'll take a root canal over labor any day. Let's just say I'm a big fan of nitrous oxide, and I didn't feel a thing.  Between the catnaps and watching HGTV on the tv in the ceiling, I was disappointed when it was all over. I quite enjoyed my carefree visit to La La Land!  BTW, does it mean I'm old when I look at my dentist (who looks just like Tim Tebow) and think he looks too young to be doing this? Yep, I thought so. 

Speaking of labor, I have several friends (all from different aspects of my life) who have had beautiful babies over the past couple of days. Kara, Kim, Suzy, and Janelle and I were all due within a few days of each other.  I felt bad dropping out of the race...no, actually demolishing the competition with my speedy finish (ha!), but now it's fun to be back in the groove with them. I'm the seasoned veteran, looking back on the cramping and sore nipples as a distant memory while they're in the trenches now.  Hang in there, ladies! I'm excited for you!  Looking at pictures, it's fun for me to see how Joshua fits right in with his cohorts, almost as big, too. 

It took me awhile to get over the mourning of the premature ending of my pregnancy. Don't get me wrong. I was excited to have Joshua. I just felt like I missed out on wearing my maternity clothes and showing off my baby bump, nesting, all that fun stuff.  My friend Amanda, who is going through a remarkably similar journey right now, opened my eyes to a new perspective.  What a blessing it has been to be able to watch Joshua developing and growing so much over the past 10 weeks! It has been a great opportunity to watch the miracle of life unfold right in front of me.  Not many people get the opportunity to see their babies up close and personal during this important time of growth, and I've seen it live, not through an ultrasound, every day. Of course I'd prefer a normal, full term delivery, but since that wasn't an option for us, this is a good way to look at it.

Joshua had a better day feeding today. Out of a total of 51 mL per feed, he drank 47, 32, and 44 at 9:00, 12:00, and 3:00, respectively (the remainder given through his NG tube).  Then I came in at 6:00, and he had a full feed nursing. He has been sleeping ever since, and it's almost time for his 9:00 feed, so he must have gotten a nice and full tummy.  We're getting closer to our goal of 100% non-NG feeds, our last hurdle to going home.  Tonight he weighs 2500 grams, or 5 lbs 8 oz, so he lost 1.5 oz. Given that huge gain he had two nights ago, that's not surprising.

I'll be busy tomorrow afternoon and evening, so I can only be at the hospital in the morning. I decided to just stay overnight tonight to avoid the drive home and back here in the morning.  Joshua and I get to have a little slumber party! I'm thinking popcorn, movies, and braiding each other's hair are on the agenda. I might even giggle and talk about how hot James Bales is.  We'll see how it goes. So far, Joshua's a bit of a party POOPER (pun definitely intended) sleeping the whole time, so I may adjust my plans to include lots of sleeping.  Aaaaaah, I like that!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Dental Fears

I feel like I'm running on fumes right now, so I'm going to keep this short.  Yesterday really wore me out, and sleep deprivation is setting in.  Whaa whaa whaa...but wait. I'm not done whining yet. 

Tomorrow I have to go in for a root canal.  Some people say that's no big deal, but I'm pretty freaked out by the thought of it.  I happen to be the biggest wimp when it comes to dental work.  Years ago, I had a couple of bad experiences with minor procedures that were done without the local anesthesia working, and I've have anxiety about it ever since.  My friend Kara is going in for an induction tomorrow, and I'm envious.  I can honestly say I'd rather be in labor without an epidural than in a dental chair.  Really, I'm not a wimpy person.  I like to consider myself as pretty tough.  But teeth are my Achilles heel.  If you want to pray for me to not be a baby tomorrow, I won't object. 

In case you are thinking, "I checked in to read about Joshua, and I'm stuck wasting my time reading about Karrn's stupid tooth," sorry about that. I'll apply it to Joshua.  An old filling fell out months ago.  I got a quick check by the dentist, and he said the tooth was fine; it just needed a new filling.  We booked the appt for after the holidays, and then our whole pregnancy bedrest thing happened.  Needless to say, when you're faced with life or death decisions and the job of keeping a baby alive, your tooth becomes the least of your priorities.  I canceled the appointment to avoid disrupting bedrest, and then stresses of the NICU life got in the way, so it was months later when I finally made it back in.  By then, the decay was very bad.  Over the past couple of weeks, an abscess has developed...and a root canal is required.  The moral of the story is:  Be true to your teeth, and they won't be false to you.  If you are postponing a dental appointment, "STOP IT!" (inside joke for any Tri Lakes Chapel folks). 

I'll try to think of a positive spin on having a root canal...it will probably be a lot easier handling everything going on right now without a constant toothache distracting and annoying me. 

Tonight Joshua weighs 2545 grams, up 5 grams, to 5 lbs 9.77 oz.  So, maybe last night wasn't so far off.  He had one good feed today, when he nursed for 25 minutes.  Other than that, he wasn't very interested.  I think he is still recovering from his rough day yesterday.  Hopefully things will look up tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Rough Day For the Bales Boys

Jeremiah was sick today.  Poor thing, he was not at all like his usual energetic self.  He just wanted to cuddle all morning.  He was crabby when he woke up, so I knew something was wrong because he usually wakes up happy.  My suspicions were confirmed when he threw up at the breakfast table...and again...and again in the living room.  I was marveling at how my attitude has changed over the years.  In the distant past, I would have been so grossed out, but today I was sitting at the table, my clothes all soaked in vomit, and it didn't even phase me.  I must have "mom blood" flowing through my veins. Plus, I dare say, I can multitask with the best of them.  I was pumping, eating breakfast, comforting Jeremiah and cleaning up puke all at the same time. Ok, since there was a big puddle of it in my lap, my mom assisted with the latter (the "mom blood" does not disappear when you become a grandma, I guess).  Thankfully, by this afternoon, he was acting like nothing was wrong.  Amazing how kids can bounce back so quickly!

Then there's Joshua.  He had a rough day today.  Last night he got his two month immunizations (so much for Happy Birthday), so he was pretty fussy today.  I think he just wanted to cuddle, too.  Since I couldn't be two places at once, I called up my Deputy Mom, Grandma Gus, to step up for cuddle duty.  She spent most of the day in the NICU while I was with Jeremiah at home.  James was able to stop by between Warrior Games events, and he was here for the next rough part of Joshua's day, his circumcision.  I guess since he's already miserable from the shots and taking Tylenol for that, might as well get it all over with at once. 

Now I'm in the NICU.  I just tried feeding Joshua, and he didn't want to have anything to do with it, so he started crying and pulling away from me.  Before I could stop him, he reached up and yanked off the tape and his NG tube.  Ouch!  It just tore right off.  Such a strong baby!  Whenever he needs that dressing changed, we do it so slowly and gently. This time, he did it, and he pulled some skin off with it.  It broke my heart to see him screaming bloody murder, much harder than I've ever seen him scream.  Oh poor kiddo, he just needs to start fresh with a new day. 

I'm not sure what's up with the scale here, but Joshua supposedly gained 130 grams (over 4 oz) since last night, now up to 2540 grams or 5 lbs 9.6 oz. I had the nurse redo it because there is no way he would have gained that much.  Sure enough, that's exactly what it was the second time.  So either last night's 10 gram gain was wrong, or something's up with the scale. I don't buy it.  We'll see what tomorrow's weight is. There's a reason they look at weekly trends in weight rather than day to day. 

I just reread this before posting, and it made me think...what a glamorous life I live!  Oh boy, pretty pathetic. The funny thing is, as unglamorous as this all seems, it was a great day.  James and I got to make a quick trip to Chipotle together, and we were marveling over how long it has been since we had a real date, alone together.  Of course we spent the whole time talking about the kids we were missing, but it was still fun.  That little break made my day.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Two Months Old!

Happy Birthday, to you!  Happy Birthday, to YOU! Happy Birthday, dear Joshua!  Happy Birthday, to yyyyyoooooooouuuuuuuuu! 

It's hard to believe two months have past since Joshua was born.  Joshua is now what I consider one of the seniors in the NICU class of 2012.  He just has to pass his final exams (perfecting his feedings, which may take a couple of weeks), and he'll graduate with honors. 

I overheard his nurse talking to another nurse today, and she referred to him as "big and healthy."  That's music to this mama's ears!  Tonight he gained 10 grams, up to 2410 g or 5 lbs 5 oz.

Here's his monthly growth picture, comparing him to his stuffed lamb.  Check out how he's busting out of his size preemie outfit!  He's in the middle of celebrating, saying, "Yay! It's my birthday!" 

For comparison, here he was one month ago, 3 lbs 14 oz.

And this was 2 weeks old (it's hard to see the size when he's wrapped in the blanket), 2 lbs 12 oz.
I was reflecting back a little today, and I realized how thankful I am for the way things have turned out.  Right now, I won't go into all the miracles that have occurred since January, when this all started (that's covered ad nauseum in my previous posts). The thing I'm thinking of now is how perspective is such a huge factor in handling a crisis.  In our situation, when we thought we'd deliver at 24 weeks, every day after that was bonus. Once we made it to 28 weeks, it was all icing on the cake, and we were absolutely ecstatic that he made it to 30 weeks.  His birth was such an exciting event, seeming like we already won the race, even though the race was a marathon that was just beginning.  During my 6+ weeks of bedrest, I read up on life in the NICU, caring for a preemie, etc.  I felt really prepared. Of course it's impossible to be 100% prepared for something so life changing, but it helped to gear up for it over several weeks.

On the flip side, I talked to another NICU mom, and she thought she was having a perfectly normal pregnancy until she suddenly went into preterm labor and had her baby that day, at 31 weeks.  It was such a traumatic event for her, and, understandably, she has had such a difficult time dealing with it since her baby was born.  We had our difficult time during the weeks leading up to delivery; looking back, I'm thankful for that prep time.

In a similar situation, my sister Heidi found out her firstborn had trisomy 18 two weeks before she delivered.  For two weeks, they went through their mourning period expecting a baby "not compatible with life."  When Callie was born, it was such a joyous occasion that she was pink and alive.  Had they not had that two week notice, imagine how difficult it would have been to be shocked with that diagnosis at birth.

My point of all this is I'm glad I am able to look back and see the silver lining (preparation time) in our situation.  It's good to store up these "successful" crises as we go through them and try to focus on the positive, so down the road when future crises occur, we'll know God hasn't let us down before, and he won't in the future either.