I Used To Love Roller Coasters (Now, Not So Much)

We are constantly humbled and so appreciative of all of your thoughts and prayers.  Thank you so much for that!  This roller coaster ride seems to be never ending, and quite frankly, it's starting to get a little old.  We're trying to stay positive, and we know God is in control of everything, but sometimes we wonder how much more we can handle.  It's just so heartbreaking thinking of Joshua being so sick.  He's so tiny, and it doesn't take much to turn into something serious when he has such little reserve.  He has been such a fighter over the past couple of months, so I have thought of him as being so strong.  But now I realize how fragile he really is. 


For me, I'm trying to be strong, but I feel like my emotions are starting to wear pretty thin.  I keep it together in front of Jeremiah, but after he goes to bed I feel like I'm on the edge of breaking down.  Stress, hormones, lack of sleep, typical new mom stuff that I handled fine the first time around, but the whole NICU thing throws a bigger wrench into things.  For example, it's one thing to be sleep deprived from a new baby, but getting up to pump during the night is not very rewarding.  There isn't much bonding going on with that machine!  I'm taking mental notes to never be annoyed when I can finally hear his cry during the night waking me up instead of my alarm.  None of these complaints are unique to anyone going through a NICU experience, and it could definitely be a lot worse, but for us it has been a whole new challenge with a steep learning curve.  Oh, one more thing I'll try not to ever complain about...if I'm blessed with a normal pregnancy in the future, I'll embrace the discomforts of being in the third trimester, fat and waddling and thankful for a uterus that can nourish a baby that long.  I took so much for granted with my first pregnancy that ended with an induction at 41 weeks!

Sorry, I know you didn't tune in to hear me whining.  Let's talk about Joshua.  He seems to be doing somewhat better tonight.  His x-ray has improved a little.  The bowl loops aren't quite as distended as they were this morning, and there is still no sign of air under the diaphragm, which would indicate a perforation from NEC.  So that's good.  When I left this afternoon, I was concerned because his abdomen was tense and pretty distended, but James just called and said that seems to have improved, too.  He even had a big poop tonight after getting a suppository (praise the Lord).  They are going to continue to hold his feeds overnight and see how he does in the morning.  They removed his NG tube and put in an OG tube, so he's back to that yucky tube in his mouth gagging him, but that's supposed to better decompress his stomach.  The urine and blood cultures won't be back for 48-72 hours, so we won't have those definitive answers for a couple of days.  For now, we'll just continue the antibiotics and wait it out.  I'm so thankful for modern medicine! 


Today, we got the final pathology report back on my placenta.  The genetic counselor called and left a message that she wanted to talk to James and me.  I was so worried as I walked down to her office because I thought if things were normal, she would have just told me on my voice mail, and she wouldn't have implied James needed to be there too.  The MFM drs had speculated on a bunch of potential problems with the baby that could have caused the placenta to look the way it did, such as mosaic chromosomal problems and other rare and freaky genetic disorders.  As I walked down the hall, I'm pretty sure I developed even more gray hairs on my head.  Holding my breath, I sat down, and she said..."it was just the hemorrhage that caused all the problems with the placenta.  The report says you just had a normal baby boy."  WHEW!  That's it! 

All in all, we have so much to be thankful for every day.  The day has definitely ended better than it started.  Thanks for thinking of us and continuing to pray for sweet Joshua.